Creating a Pathway for Healing

One of the most important things I teach in therapy is surprisingly simple:

Practice being present.

Not fixing.
Not forcing change.
Not analyzing every thought.

Just practicing being here.

And it turns out that simple practice can change everything.

Why Being Present Matters

Most of us live in a quiet state of survival.

Even when there are no lions, no tigers, no real threats in front of us, our nervous system often acts as if there are. We stay tense. Alert. Scanning. Preparing.

Over time, that chronic stress begins to feel normal.

Practicing presence — through something like the Wheel of Awareness — gently tells the brain:

“Right now, I’m safe.”

When we intentionally notice our breath…
When we feel our feet on the floor…
When we look around and orient to the room…

Our nervous system begins to shift out of survival mode.

And when the brain no longer feels under threat, something powerful happens:

It begins to heal.

Healing Is Not About “Fixing”

In therapy, we are not trying to “fix” you.

A child does not try to grow. Growth happens naturally when the environment supports it. Parents don’t force growth — they create safety, nourishment, and stability.

The same is true for your brain.

Under the right conditions — safety, awareness, compassion — the brain system heals itself.

Practicing presence helps create those conditions.

It is less about doing something dramatic and more about creating a steady internal environment where growth can occur.

Discovering Your Inner Secure Base

When we practice being present, something else begins to emerge.

We discover that inside of us there is a calm, steady center — what IFS calls “self.” I think of this as a secure base.

Many of us did not grow up with a consistently safe, stable, secure base in childhood. As a result, we developed protective parts — anxious parts, overachieving parts, people-pleasing parts, numb parts — all trying to help us survive.

Those parts are not bad. They are protective.

But they are often exhausted.

When we practice presence, we begin to experience something new:

There is an “adult” inside.
There is steadiness.
There is awareness.
There is calm.

From that calm center, we can begin relating to our anxious or overwhelmed parts instead of being overwhelmed by them.

Balance, Not Perfection

We are always blended with parts of ourselves. That’s normal.

The goal is not to eliminate parts.

The goal is balance.

Instead of being 99% anxious part and 1% calm center, we slowly build more access to that steady place within. Over time, that balance shifts.

And as it does:

  • Protectors relax.
  • Reactivity softens.
  • Energy becomes more available.
  • Decisions feel less forced.

Change becomes less about pushing…
and more about growing.

Slow, Steady Strength

This work does not happen overnight.

It’s more like the changing of seasons than flipping a switch.

But something subtle begins to develop:

A stronger internal foundation.
A more reliable sense of self.
A growing trust that you can handle your own experience.

And sometimes, out of nowhere, you notice:

“I have the energy to take the next step.”

Not because you forced yourself.
But because your system feels safe enough to move.

The Real Work

The real work of healing is not dramatic.

It is relational.

It is learning how to show up for yourself.
To create space.
To sit with what’s there.
To be curious instead of critical.

We are relational beings — and every part of us is relational.

As we practice being present, we can then begin building a relationship with parts of ourselves that is steady, compassionate, and safe.

And that relationship becomes the pathway for healing.

If you are practicing the Wheel of Awareness or learning to be more present, know this:

You are not “just sitting there.”
You are not wasting time.

You are allowing the foundation within, on which everything else rests, to be felt.

And that foundation becomes a secure base that stabilizes our lives.

As a Christian, I recognize that foundation, which IFS calls “self”, as my spirit, which is united with Christ.

“But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.”

— 1 Corinthians 6:17 (ESV)

This article was created with the assistance of ChatGPT as a research and writing support tool.